Come and Gone.

"Why this life is so complicated, Ridh?"

"Because you live in a life not a game."

-Junior High School coversation

***

What the hell is going on with me?

Pertanyaan itu sering gue lontarkan ketika gue sendirian dan sepi dan di luar hujan dan semuanya bener bener sunyi. Gue merasa benar benar sepi, gue merasa sendirian di dunia. Lebay, emang. Tapi emang gitu. Apa yang sebenarnya terjadi? Gue kenapa?

Those kinds of feelings comes when I realize how many people I lost in this year. How many chances gone. How many best moments left without 'special' things for me. How this heart would be so empty like this.

I lost many people you know. December coming up and I realize how I lost 'mine'. I cant describe how I miss them to go  back. Gue gak tau siapa yang salah dengan kerenggangan ini. Entah gue yang terlalu sibuk dan menjauh, atau mereka yang punya dunia baru yang gak bisa gue masukin:"}

I lost a person who I thought will be the best thing I've ever had. Now he's gone. Totally gone. I miss him but I shouldnt feel this feeling because we wont getting back the way it was. Gak mungkin dan gue juga gak mengharapkan itu.

Maybe I just miss the 'person'. Sosok yang gue cari. Sosok yang sampe sekarang belum gue temui...... Belum, nanti pasti ketemu;) Waiting for the right one is the best way than you jump into a thousand people and get back without nothing.

To night, I really miss Vancouver. You know, they just like my family... I miss my 9D. I miss my Jaffles. I miss everyone.. I miss Ridho, Gestu, Silvy, Fadhel...

Where will I find them? Will they go back?

Gue seharusnya gak merasakan ini karena I feel so lucky di SMANDA. Punya banyak temen baru dan kegiatan seru. But somehow, I dunno, rasanya sepi banget. Lagi-lagi berdiri di tengah keramaian tanpa ada satu orang pun yang gue kenal.

Gue sadar kalian sibuk, kok. Udah punya kepentingan sendiri. Iya gue juga kok, maaf ya ninggalin terus. Sedih banget pas go back, no one there. Semuanya udah pergi. Sibuk juga. Yaudahlah. *kenapa sih*

Iya, harusnya ngerti. Sudah dewasa. Harusnya gak boleh ngeluh terus. Kasian Abang dari dulu ceramahin gue suruh berubah. Iya iya. Maaf ya Abang.

The only thing that I want before I got my 16th birthday is everything getting normal again. Semuanya baik baik aja. Kayak dulu lagi. Dulu yang manis. Dulu yang semuanya ada. Dulu. Dulu. Dulu.

I dont know. Lifes goes on. People changed. Come and gone.

No one really stay.